Title: Je Ne Sais Quoi
Today, sitting in front of the computer, it struck me. De ja vu.
I had this feeling a few years back… (I’m no oldie but I’d rather not say when). It was a day when I sat for a good hour, starring into the mirror. I wasn’t looking at myself. No, I’m much to humble for that (lol). I was looking at the person that everyone wanted, or thought, me to be.
Flash forward to today, and I find myself traipsing down that very same path.
I have a number of possibilities for this melodramatic issue of mine:
- Sometimes I think it comes from my ability to adapt to any and every situation, after all, isn’t that the key to survival? Those who can adapt move forward, and those who can’t are… well..they just aren’t.
- Then again a social psychologist would tell me that I am a high self monitor and therefore (in an extreme case) serve as the reason for my loss of self.
- My last and final attempt in solving this conundrum could lie in the fact that I am just a people pleaser. Not in the sense of a minion. NO…NEVER THAT. I tend to be more accommodating to the needs of others than my own. You need to talk, I have an assignment due and here I am on the phone. You work better in a group, I study better on my own but here we are in Soper Library. You smell like onions, and I am gagging but I sit next to you because abruptly moving would hurt your feelings E.T.C.
What ever it is… and I still wonder what it is..
I have to get back to what makes me happy. I have to get back to that.. dare I say it…
That Je Ne Sais Quoi that I have come to know and love.